Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
