yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
