why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
