singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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