ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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