she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
