Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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