zippers are such a cool invention
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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