Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
