as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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