Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
