College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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