i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
