White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
