God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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