best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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