why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
