So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
