Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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