Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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