It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
