I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
