I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
