He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
