On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
