So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
