Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
