he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
