I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Randomize
