He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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