I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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