I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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