I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
