I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
