im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
