Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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