Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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