Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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