My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
