i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
