she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
