the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
