I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
