Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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