Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
