highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
