Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
