It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
