woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
