if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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