I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
