haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize