There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
