im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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