i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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