No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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