I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
