so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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