I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
