I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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