i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
