My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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