soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
