well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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