my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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