Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
