ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
