She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
