Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
