I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
