Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
