You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
