I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
