I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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