we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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