chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
