I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
