new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
